20/1/12 - Mulv's Top Ten Filthy Compounds

Don't get me wrong, I fucking love chemistry. I intend to study it for four years in fact. My only issue is that sometimes I am forced into the realisation that chemistry is (as so many UCAS personal statements have no doubt pointed out in the past) a part of everything. A wonderful example of this came up among today's chemistry questions in class.

Question 1
Civetone can be extracted from the anal gland of the civet cat. It was used as an ingredient in expensive perfumes. The skeletal formula is shown in Figure 1.

Honestly? Why not just go with something cosy and nice? "Ooh this one smells of flowers..." "Fuck off. I got this from the arse of a cat.". No one wants to know about arse ketones.

9. Putrescine, a compound partially responsible for the smell of semen, has the molecular formula C4H12N2.

Srsly.

In honour of these quite frankly ridiculous chemistry questions, I bring you this.

Mulv's Top Ten Filthy Compounds

In approximate order of sauciness

10. Fukalite

Named after the 'Fuka' region of Japan, this compound is just plain funny.

9. Kinoshitalite

Yet another cheeky mineral, this little bastard is named after the Japanese for 'under a tree' (yeah. Sure it is.), and is found in Japan and Sweden. It has the chemical formula (Mg,Mn)₃Si₂Al₂O₁₀(OH)_2.

8. Clitoriacetal

This gleans its ridiculously sexual name from the root of the clitoria macrophylla plant. This is just getting ludicrous.

7. Fornacite

Just yes.

6. Welshite

With a plethora of potential connotations to choose from, it has to be said that this is a cracker. It pokes fun at the Welsh (no offence intended), it uses the word shite, which is (in my opinion) a tragically underused word, and of course, one can make the giggletastic "What's that mineral you've got there, then?" "Oh, this? It's welshite." "Really? I thought it was rather nice." joke. Ho ho ho.

5. Fukugetin

That's what I said to your mum last night. She politely obliged, and we had some sex in my car. Yum.

Don't worry everyone! I'm just kidding, I would never do that. I'm sure your mother is a lovely woman, and also I don't have a car.

4. Arsole

I kid you not. It is the arsenic equivalent of pyrrole, and has the chemical formula below.

How hilariously filthy. In fact, if one were so inclined, one could bond six together, forming sexi-arsehole. Or, bonded to a selenium halide, ArSe-SeX.

3. Sexithiophene

Ooh matron! Cheeky. Daym! And so on and so forth. This is one hell of a sexi compound, with its six naughty thiophene molecules bonded alluringly together in some kind of kinky thiophene centipede arrangement. Shameless! I'm going to stop now, because I'm slightly disgusted by that which I have just written. And more than a little turned on.

Racy. Mmm. This is sexithiophene for some reason encased in what looks like a carbon nanotube (my second favourite material). I may wet myself.

2. Cummingtonite

Oh mankind, whatever will you think of next. Not only is there a village in Massachusetts called 'Cummington' (hilarious in itself), but some poor twat discovered a whole new compund there, and decided to name it 'Cummingtonite'. It is in fact officially named 'magnesium iron silicate hydroxide' (more like SILLYcate hydroxide! Yeah? YEAH?), but they just thought 'Cummingtonite' would roll of the tongue better. Heheh. Tongue.

Stop it, you.

1. Vaginatin

It was only a matter of time really. Just crack open another tin of vag, will you? I feel a spree coming on.

Saucy.

So there we have it. The world is a filthy place. Everything we see and do is enveloped in a big warm toasty damp smelly mattress of filth. MMMM. There's a lovely thought for the evening.

And with that, I leave you.

Yours,

Brian Cox (Prof.)

xxx

MY FACE TODAY: http://files.list.co.uk/images/2011/03/22/drbrianco.jpg