25/4/12 - Mulv's Top Ten Gifs About Loneliness

Mulv's Top Ten Gifs About Loneliness

In glorious Technicolour

10. Girl lying face down in a puddle

She's probably getting really damp, and rather cold,  but she's so sad she doesn't give a shit. Poor gal.

9. Gretchen bursts into tears

Poor love. She ain't happy. I don't know that she's got anything to cry about though. Her Dad invented Toaster Strudel for fuck's sake! She's totally rich.

8. ANGST: Potter Puppet Pals

Oh the pain of existential weariness.

7. Bette Davis has a breakdown in 'Now Voyager'

This is my favourite film of all time, I'll have you know. And Bette is not a happy lady, because her Mother's a total bitch. No worries though, Paul Henreid will come and hold you in his strong arms. OH, JERRY. DON'T LET'S ASK FOR THE MOON etc.

6. The 'then everything bothered me' cat

This isn't actually a gif, that's a filthy piece of false advertising. It's too good to leave out though. I love it.

5. David Tennant in the rain.

He does 'forlorn' beautifully.

4. Zooey crying in 'New Girl'

I would still do so many filthy things to her. But only if she was okay with that.

3. Max introduces Mr Ravioli in 'Mary and Max'

Watch that shit. It's great.

2. American Psycho - 'Feed me a stray cat'

I don't know what relation this has to loneliness, but if you think cash machines are talking to you, you're probably fairly lonely. Plus I love kittens. And this film.

1. Max's brain smiling in 'Mary and Max'

I know I've already mentioned this film, but that's because it's damn great. And Max is so wonderful.

So there. Loneliness, despair, desolation, doom and inevitability.

Yours,

Your American friend,

Max Jerry Horowitz

xxx

MY FACE TODAY: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmvgt99HvS1qeecoe.gif

13/2/12 - Mulv's 'Valentine's Day 101'

Mulv's 'Valentine's Day 101'

7 steps to ensure everything isn't too awkward.

1. If you insist upon going out, make it brief. Everyone else will always look happier than you.

2. If you aren't going out, don't whatever you do use candles. They're a fire hazard. And fire isn't sexy.

3. Whether or not you're going out, practice your sexy lines beforehand. Maybe you could even practice them with your partner. Have you thought about flashcards? That could be a sexy new game. For those who are maybe not quite as suave and gifted with words as I, here are a few examples. "What's your favourite pizza topping?" "Have you heard the one about my penis? I forget the end of that joke, but my dick is fucking huge." "How do you like my Frank Zappa collection?" Or alternatively just play the song 'Pussy' by Rammstein and make this face throughout

4. Whatever you do, don't buy flowers. They'll only die symbolising the inevitable dissolution of your relationship.

5. Always mention what you did on past Valentine's days with any exes you may have had, in order that your new partner will know what you did with the body when they inevitably broke your heart.

6. Valentine's day is the perfect time to show them the cellar full of weapons, pictures of them from infancy, various jumpers they could swear they lost that one time, and that shrine to the toenail clipping you took while they were asleep.

7. Contrary to popular opinion, girls don't like being wined and dined, it's all an elaborate lie. Turning up at their door in your pants brandishing a twix will do just as well, and help you to avoid all that awkward chat.

That's all for today, folks. Happy Valentine's day!

Yours,

Llama del Rey

xxx

P.S. Google image that Llama del Rey thing, it shall no doubt provide approximately 15 seconds of pure joy.