Oh my shit. Lana Del Rey. Oh Lana. What can I say, bitch stole my heart.
Heyy the name's Lana.
1. Lana's sexy, sexy voice.
It took me a little while (say five minutes?) to get used to the idea of her face being great, but let's face it - her vocal prowess is not up for debate. She sounds like Jesus, if Jesus were a sexy woman. Okay, bad comparison. I don't know. She's super. There is only one song of hers which I don't like the sound of, and that's because some bastard fucked about with her voice until she sounded like Kesha. Dick. (It's pretty shit, but if the curiosity gets too much for you, you can listen to 'Match Made In Heaven' here at your peril. Apparently the song was originally written for Cheryl Cole, and she can fucking keep it if you ask me.) This travesty aside, she's great. From her more laid back approach to the wonderful (and unreleased, for all you indie fucks out there) End Of The World to the wonderfully over-produced new(ish) video for Blue Jeans, everything she does sounds fucking amazing. Plus, as can be seen in some of her earlier videos (from her Lizzy 'I have no lips' Grant days), she can play the guitar. WHAT MORE COULD A GIRL WANT? BITCH IS MULTI-TALENTED. Lana was recommended to me by the wonderful Toby, and I immediately went and downloaded all of the things. I subsequently spunked everywhere, googled her, spunked everywhere again, and from that point on my obsession was inevitable. She's amazing.
Alas there is of course the whole SNL debacle in January. I will admit, she wasn't great on Saturday Night Live. She looked like she really didn't want to be there, and it didn't look great. But come on, it wasn't nearly as bad as I have always been told. Until I finally plucked up the courage a couple of weeks ago, I had never seen said performance. I don't know why everyone was shitting all over it though, I thought she was alright. And her live performances seem to be improving. Oh ma days, she was GREAT in the Radio 1 Live Lounge. Actually great. Her Live Lounge Blue Jeans was pretty fucking great. (If you reckon this Toby guy from earlier sounds like he knows a thing or two, skip to 2:22 in the Blue Jeans clip, and you shall experience his favourite bit. She sings her sexy live 'I will love you 'til the end of time'. It's lovely.) And she looked piff. Check that bitch out. DAYM.
Lana looking all sexy in a jacket. Ooh.
2. Lana's impossibly attractive face.
Damn. There's very little more I can say on the matter really. Here, have a top 5. A picture speaks a thousand words or whatever. So I guess a gif speaks, say, 12 pictures? And that's a lot of words. Definitely more than a thousand.
Mulv's Top 5 Gifs of Lana Looking Piff
5. Lana sniffs her armpit
I don't know what the fuck she's doing here, but she looks great while she does it.
4. Lana tries (and fails miserably) not to laugh
I don't know. It's just so cute. And she has lovely hair.
3. Lana's 'let's have sex' face
I've been perfecting my 'let's have sex' face for years, and along comes Lana and hits it out of the park without even trying. Dick.
2. Lana laughs, I wet myself
What more is there to be said really?
1. Lana smoking
She pretty.
So yeah. As you may have ascertained, I love that woman.
Lana's personality.
Well this is totally awkward. I'll admit, I'm going to breeze past this section quite quickly. As far as I can tell, she's not so great. She cancels tours at short notice, she shows her arse to television audiences for no apparent reason (lovely though her arse is), and she interviews awfully. And she had a 'philosophical crisis'...
"When I was very young I was sort of floored by the fact that my mother and my father and everyone I knew was going to die one day, and myself too. I had a sort of a philosophical crisis. I couldn’t believe that we were mortal. For some reason that knowledge sort of overshadowed my experience. I was unhappy for some time. I got into a lot of trouble. I used to drink a lot. That was a hard time in my life."
I have nothing to say on that really.Altogether, she sounds a little irritating. Maybe she'll improve with age! She might mature like a sexy cheese. Mmmm.
"When I was very young I was sort of floored by the fact that my mother and my father and everyone I knew was going to die one day, and myself too. I had a sort of a philosophical crisis. I couldn’t believe that we were mortal. For some reason that knowledge sort of overshadowed my experience. I was unhappy for some time. I got into a lot of trouble. I used to drink a lot. That was a hard time in my life."
I have nothing to say on that really.Altogether, she sounds a little irritating. Maybe she'll improve with age! She might mature like a sexy cheese. Mmmm.
I'm going to see her at Latitude. It's going to be awesome. I shall make her love me. SOMEHOW. Soon they shall be releasing her video for Summertime Sadness. I can't wait. It'll be awesome. Plus they're re-releasing her first album, which is exciting. Alas I won't be quite so cool and indie then, but OH WELL. What's a gal to do. I'll just listen to Trash and cry about how Lana will never love me as I love her.
Bitch, you have no idea. LOVE ME.
Yours,
xxx
UPDATE: I went to Latitude. She sang beautifully, I touched her, she was soft like a sexy cloud. Little more needs to be said.
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